


when you dream there's a chance you'll find

by lhknox



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Friendship/Love, Romance, high school parts are in flashbacks, side Karolsen, side sanvers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-08 03:56:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15922376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lhknox/pseuds/lhknox
Summary: “Goodbye, Kara,” she says softly. “Maybe one day you’ll stop being a selfish bitch.”--Kara returns home for her twenty year high school reunion.And she can't stop thinking about her old classmate, Lena.





	when you dream there's a chance you'll find

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted to explore kara in a different sort of way so i wrote this lol. 
> 
> why yes, the title is from you are the music in me from hsm2
> 
> anyway, it's unbeta'd bc im lazy and also it's almost 2am.
> 
> hope you enjoy!

**2027**

 

Ironically, Kara Danvers is a nervous flyer.

 

She can count the times in her life she’s flown on an airplane on one hand, and she can recall each time with vivid hatred. 

 

And now, once again, she has to get onto a  _ death trap _ , a metal tube with wings that’s supposed to keep her and a hundred other people firmly in the air and get her back to Midvale in more time than it would take her to freaking run there. But she had made a promise, not too long ago, that she wasn’t going to use her powers anymore. And there’s no way she’s breaking that promise.

 

She doesn’t want to think about it. Going back to Midvale feels like a nightmare she’s being cruelly forced to live. Midvale is filled with painful memories, of crash landing on a planet and not speaking a word of english, of being abandoned by the only family she had left in the  _ universe _ , of senior fucking prom.

 

She’s not even back yet and she’s overwhelmed with teenage angst. It feels like she’s sixteen and struggling to figure out how she could possibly ever be the person she wanted to be, or live the life she wanted to live.

 

And now she’s stuck on a plane for five hours with her decade-old hang-ups.

 

She’s actively ignoring the safety announcements, nervously playing with the ring on her finger, when her phone buzzes in her hand.

 

**REMINDER** :  _ You have one event tomorrow _

 

She rolls her eyes. Thanks, Facebook. Like she could forget the reason she’s on the fucking plane in the first place going back home for the first time in years.

 

“And a reminder to please make sure your electronics are in Airplane Mode before we take off-” the flight attendant’s voice comes from over the speaker, and Kara taps out one last message before take off.

 

_ i miss you already. _

 

She waits as long as she can for a reply, but one doesn’t come soon enough. The plane engines rev to life and she puts her headphones on and leans her head back, hoping that maybe she’ll be able to sleep for a bit, at least.

 

She lands in Midvale having not slept at all on the cross-country flight. She’s tired and she’s grumpy and her luggage takes for fucking ever to come off the carousel.

 

The sight of her sister only makes her feel marginally better.

 

“Where’s the rest of the welcoming committee?” Kara asks, as she approaches Alex. She drops her duffel bag by their feet and pulls her sister into a hug.

 

“Am I not enough for you anymore?” Alex asks teasingly. “All that fame going to your head?”

 

Kara laughs, and picks up her bag. Alex throws an arm around her waist, and they make their way to Alex’s car.

 

“You look different,” Alex tells her when they’re on the road once more, down stretches of highway that remind Kara of everything she’s left behind. “Are you eating enough? You look skinnier, maybe.”

 

Kara rolls her eyes. “I saw you like a month ago, remember?”

 

“A month is a long time,” Alex replies. “I miss having you around.”

 

“I know,” Kara says quietly. “I miss it, too.”

 

“You ever consider moving home?”

 

She shakes her head. “As much as I love you, there’s just… too many painful memories here. My life’s in Metropolis now.”

 

The highways turn into suburbia and then into the long, winding roads to the small town where they had grown up together. Kara catches a glimpse of the old park where they used to hang out, and her mind wanders to the hours they spent there in their youth. She thinks the secrets whispered on the benches and of the kisses shared under the dark canopy of stars. 

 

And more than anything else, she thinks of her past with Lena Luthor.

 

///

 

**2002**

 

Earth is different to Krypton in every conceivable way. 

 

Kara’s been here for two months and she hates Earth, she hates Midvale, she hates all of it. The air feels  _ different  _ here, and it always sort of smells like salt, no matter how far away from the beach she gets.

 

“Kara get out of the fucking shower!” she hears Alex yell from the hall, followed by an exasperated “Language!” from Eliza.

 

But she ignores them, and she lets the water run over her, hoping that if she stays there for long enough she’ll wash away into nothingness.

 

She misses Krypton. She misses her parents. She misses everything she was and everything she had and everything in between. And now on top of a new family and a new planet, she had to start middle school.

 

She turns off the water reluctantly, and wraps a towel around her body. She ignores Alex’s glare as she leaves, focusing instead of planning an outfit that Alex and Eliza deem earthly enough. Of course, Eliza has placed a planned outfit on her bed already: a pair of jeans and a plain tshirt. She briefly debates throwing on something truly horrendous, just to spite her new family. But then she remembers she’s about to spend the next seven years with these kids, and if there’s one thing the movies Alex showed her taught it was that those kids were already gonna tease her about her stupid accent and for being new and maybe she shouldn’t add fuel to the fire.

 

She opts for the outfit Eliza chose and gets dressed.

 

_ Always the people pleaser, Kara. _ She hears her father’s voice as clear as day and the Krypton-sized hole in the middle of her chest aches with a pain she’s not sure will ever go away. Hot tears fall from her eyes and she wipes them away in anger, but to no avail.

 

“Are you, uh, okay?” Alex asks from the doorway. She’s still in a towel from her shower, and she stares at Kara with a look somewhere between concern and wariness. 

 

“I’m fine,” Kara says, but her voice is thick and wavers as she speaks. “Get dressed, we will be late.”

 

“You shouldn’t worry about school,” Alex says. “It’ll be fine, you’ll make friends.”

 

“I don’t want to make friends,” Kara spits back angrily. “And I don’t want a new fake family. I don’t want to be here. I want to go home.”

 

She misses the hurt that flickers over Alex’s features. They may not get along, but Kara knows Alex cares more than she lets on. 

 

“Yeah, well, this is your home now,” Alex says coldly. “Better get used to it.”

 

Kara wipes the tears from her eyes and straightens her back. “This may be my home now, but you’re never going to be my family.”

 

“Oh, I’m so cut up about it,” she says, rolling her eyes. “Hope you enjoy having no friends and no family, then.”

 

///

 

**2027**

 

The Danvers residence stands exactly as it did when Kara first arrived on earth. Their family looks a lot different than it did back then. But the house looks like it always did, with its overgrown lawn and the general air of something well-loved.

 

She spots her nephews playing in the yard, and in a flash she’s joining them, laughing as they squeal in excitement.

 

“Aunty Kara!”

 

“We missed you!”

 

They’re taller than the last time she saw them, but she supposes that happens a lot with eight year olds. Their hair is darker, too, she thinks. 

 

“Didja miss me, Remi? How bout you, Milo?” They nod excitedly, their scruffy hair falling in their faces. She can’t help but smile at the gleam in their eyes and the cheeky smiles planted firmly on their faces, not to mention the matching dimples. It feels like karmic retribution, the fact that Alex Danvers has mischievous identical twins who are clearly destined to be agents of chaos like their mothers before them. Kara feign-groans as she lifts them up, placing one on each shoulder and marching toward the house.

 

“Tell your mama to bring my bags,” she says with a laugh.

 

“Mama bring Aunty Kara’s bags!” they yell in unison.

 

She sets them down by the foot of the stairs, and watches with a smile as they run off. She can smell something amazing coming from the kitchen, and breathes in deeply. Garlic and onions and Maggie’s bolognese do little to mask the smell of oak and the salty sea breeze that Kara’s loved for so long. Part of her thinks that when she rounds the corner she’ll find Jeremiah setting the table and Eliza singing along to her radio and a teenaged Alex sulking as she peels potatoes. 

 

But instead she finds a recently remodeled kitchen, a chubby baby in a high chair and her sister-in-law stirring something on the stovetop. 

 

“Perfect timing, dinner’s almost ready,” Maggie says when she sees her in the doorway.

 

“Good to see you, Maggie,” Kara says.

 

“I almost believe you.”

 

“No, it’s true! I just-”

 

“I get it, it’s hard for you to come back here.”

 

“But I do love seeing you and Alex, and the kids.” As if on cue, the baby squeals from her seat and Kara grins widely.

 

“Can I pick her up?”

 

“You don’t need to ask that every time,” Maggie says softly. Kara picks up her niece and holds her close to her chest. The little girl babbles in Kara’s arms, playing with the buttons on the front of her shirt.

 

“Hi Hazel,” she whispers. “Hi, baby girl.”

 

“How are you guys going with everything?”

 

Kara shrugs as best she can with a wriggling baby in her arms. “It’ll happen when it happens.”

 

The promise she’s keeping close to her chest is almost unbearable, and she yearns to tell her family. But she can’t. Not yet. Not after last time. Losing the last baby had been hell. All Kara can remember is the confusion and tears and an intense sadness that still washes over her from time to time. So this time when tests came back positive, they swore not to tell anybody until well into the second trimester.

 

Alex enters the kitchen with a huff, putting Kara’s bags down by her feet.

 

“What’s in this? Rocks?”

 

“Just toys for the kids,” Kara says, handing Alex her daughter. “I’ve got to go report in.”

 

“You’re whipped,” Alex laughs, and Maggie laughs harder.

 

“And you’re not?” Maggie questions.

 

Kara slips out of the room before she can hear Alex’s retort and makes her way upstairs with her bag.

 

Her childhood bedroom is a lot different to what it used to be. Instead of her old twin bed and rickety desk, there’s a crib and a fold out couch. The boy band posters are long gone, replaced by butterfly wall art that she remembers sending as a gift when Hazel was born.

 

Kara sits on the couch and pulls out her phone. She feels nervous dialling the number, thinking back to the fight that had taken place before she left.

 

The call goes straight to voicemail.

 

Kara pinches the bridge of her nose, trying to hold back tears.

 

“Hey, babe,” she says, her voice cracking. “Just, uh. Just letting you know I landed safely in Midvale and I‘m back at Alex’s. I’m sorry about everything that happened before I left, I’m… I’m stressed about everything and I-- just call me back, please. Love you.”

 

///

 

**2002**

 

They’re late to school and it’s Alex’s fault, because of course it is. By the time she makes it to homeroom, there’s only one seat left in the front row that Kara takes begrudgingly. The girl to her right smiles tentatively, revealing her brace-lined teeth. She’s got pale skin and her dark hair hangs all the way down her back and she’s dressed just  _ slightly  _ off, like maybe she’s also from somewhere else.

 

Kara ignores what the teacher says about classes, set on completely winging her school experience. There’s no reason to care about it, anyway. Her science and mathematic skills were considered genius levels on Krypton, on earth they’re probably off any conceivable chart. And who the hell cares about humanities subjects? She’s fluent in English. Not that she’ll need to use it much once she moves in with Kal.

 

That was the plan. Wait for Kal to come back and take her away from the Danvers’ and help train her to become his sidekick or whatever. She’d be living with another Kryptonian, somebody who understood her and where she was from. But for now she’s stuck in this classroom, next to this girl, and surrounded by people who breathe way too loudly, even by human standards.

 

As the bell for first period rings, one of the other girls in the class approaches Kara’d desk.

 

“You’re Kara, right?” she asks. “Alex Danvers’ family adopted you or something?”

 

“Yeah,” Kara replies, a little uneasy. 

 

“My sister Vicky said that your sister said that you’re, like, uber weird. So maybe stick to the front row, you weirdo.” She laughs and walks back to her snickering friends. Kara feels anger build up inside of her. Her eyes burn, not from oncoming tears, but of the threat of laser beams shooting out of them. She wishes she could turn around to those girls and show them what she’s really made of, but instead she faces forward stoically. 

 

“Those girls look and sound like they walked out of a stupid teenaged comedy,” says the girl beside her. She has a pleasant, low voice that has a slight lilt to it. Kara thinks she might be from overseas; it’s definitely not American.

 

“I’m Lena,” the girl continues. “I just moved here.” She sticks out her hand and Kara regards it for a moment. The girl looks at her expectantly, with bright, friendly eyes.

 

“Kara,” she offers, shaking Lena’s hand. “You also have an accent, where are you from?”

 

“Ireland. My mom wanted me to spend more time with my dad so here I am. What’s your accent? It’s interesting.”

 

Kara struggles for a moment to remember the cover story Eliza and Jeremiah had helped her come up with. 

 

“I’m from Bosnia,” she says, hoping with all her might that Lena has never met a real Bosnian.

 

“That’s really cool,” Lena smiles. The second warning bell rings. “We should head to our next classes. See you at lunch?”

 

Kara feels warm at the idea of not spending her lunchtime alone.

 

“See you then,” she says. 

 

She watches Lena leave the classroom, her long hair swaying as she walks. 

 

And there’s a part of her, a small niggling feeling, that tells her Lena is going to be a big part of her life.

 

///

 

**2027**

 

“Okay, kiddos. Off to bed,” Alex tells her sons, who groan automatically in response. “Nope. No fighting. Teeth brushed and pajamas on and Mommy and I will come up to say goodnight?”

 

“And also Aunty Kara?” Milo asks with his slight lisp.

 

She smiles at him across the table. “Of course.”

 

The boys scamper upstairs, leaving Kara, Maggie and Alex at the table.

 

“So how’s the DEO going, Alex?”

 

“It’s going well,” she says. “I’m lucky that the desert base isn’t too far from here. Jonn still talks about retiring, but I don’t think he’s really gonna do it.”

 

“I still can’t believe you never joined us. I always thought you were going to.”

 

Kara shrugs. “I found that my passions lay elsewhere.”

 

“Outside of helping people?”

 

“Alex,” Maggie murmurs, trying to reign her in before things got heated between the sisters; she had seen enough Danvers Family Arguments to know how this would pan out.

 

“I’m sorry that I didn’t become a superhero like Kal,” Kara says leaning forward. “I wanted other things for my life. I wanted peacefulness.”

 

“I think there’s a certain moral duty to protect those who can’t protect themselves, especially if you have the means to do so,” Alex says pointedly, taking a sip of her wine. “Rich people should give charity. Invincible people should-”

 

“What, put their lives on the line without a second thought?”

 

“It’s about helping people.”

 

“And there are plenty of people who have signed up to do that,” Kara says. “You, for example. And Captain Sawyer over here. Let those people fight for the world. I’m more than happy sitting in my office and educating the fine young people of Metropolis University.”

 

Alex rolls her eyes. “You’re a literature professor, it’s not like you’re teaching anything that’ll help make the world a better place.”

 

Kara stands from the table, gently placing her napkin on her place. Alex sighs, realising just a moment too late that she’s overstepped the mark.

 

“Kara, I didn’t mean--”

 

“It’s fine,” Kara says, even though it’s clearly not fine. She heads out of the dining room and up the stairs.

 

“Where are you going?” Alex calls after her.

 

“To say goodnight to my nephews.”

 

She gives herself time to cool off, giving Remi and Milo a goodnight kiss each, and checking in on Hazel before getting changed and heading back downstairs.

 

Alex and Maggie stand in the kitchen, washing the dishes together. Kara’s heart aches at the intimacy of the moment, their arms touching just ever so slightly, and the ease with which they move around each other. Kara thinks of her own home back in Metropolis, and, of course, of the empty space of bed she should be occupying.

 

“I’m going for a run,” Kara says, getting their attention. 

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yeah. Just need some exercise. Clear my head.”

 

“Do you want me to come with?” Alex asks, and Kara shakes her head.

 

“I’ll be back soon.” She heads for the front door, but Alex rushes after her.

 

“Kara… Kara I’m sorry for what I said before. I didn’t mean-”

 

Kara whirls around, plastering a smile on her face. “I know, Alex. It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean it.”

 

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

 

“Promise. I’ll be back soon.”

 

She bangs the door shut behind her and jogs down their front path. She doesn’t pay attention to where she goes after that, she just lets her muscle memory do its thing. Her feet hit the bitumen again and again and she lets the steady rhythm wash over her. She thinks of what Alex said earlier. She kicks it up a notch, her jog turning into a sprint. She thinks of everything that could go wrong while she’s in Midvale and her entire life is in Metropolis. Her sprint turns into a superhuman blur. 

 

And before she realises it, she’s stopped in front of her old high school, her breath sharp in her chest alongside the pang of guilt she gets from having used her powers.

 

The school, much like her old home, doesn’t appear to have changed much from the outside. Kara sits in the middle of the carpark and stares up at the brick building. Part of her expects the bell to ring, or for a teacher to reprimand her for being there. But instead all she gets is an inundation of memories that seem to have attached themselves to the very walls of the school.

 

She gets up and she runs. She runs and runs and runs. And it’s only in the early hours of the morning, when the air is damp and the sun starts to peek over the horizon that she returns to her childhood home to face the start of the new day.

  
  


///

 

**2002**

 

“So why did you move to America?” Lena asks. They sit on the grass under the shade of one of the playground’s trees. Some of the younger kids run around and play, but Kara can see the girls from her homeroom talking to a group of boys on the other side of the courtyard. She expects to feel jealous of them, after all, all of those movies she watched with Alex teach that she should want to be popular.

 

But Kara is perfectly content sitting with Lena under a tree.

 

“My parents died,” Kara says a little too bluntly. “An American family adopted me; they knew my cousin.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Lena replies. “My mother… My mother also died, a couple of months ago. She brought me here to be closer to my father, but now I realise it’s also because she knew… she knew she was--”

 

Kara lays a hand on Lena’s knee, and they sit under the weight of both of their tragedies.

 

“It sucks that we’re the only new kids this year,” Kara says. 

 

“At least we have each other,” Lena replies, and Kara can’t help but smile. 

 

“That we do,” Kara says.

 

///

 

**2027**

 

If Alex and Maggie are surprised to find Kara making them a breakfast spread at six thirty in the morning, they don’t say anything. They just slip into the kitchen and watch Kara work.

 

“We didn’t hear you come in last night,” Maggie says. A still-sleepy Hazel rests in her arms, and Alex prepares her formula bottle. 

 

“I ran more than I thought I would,” Kara says as she cracks some eggs into the pan on the stove.

 

“And you’re not usually up so early,” Alex adds. 

 

She shrugs. “Couldn’t sleep. I’m way too used to my own bed.”

 

Maggie snorts. “Alex is exactly the same. God, sometimes it’s like you two are the same person.”

 

“But I’m better looking,” the sisters say at the same time. But there’s a melancholy to Kara’s demeanour, one they can’t quite place; it’s more than just homesickness.

 

“Any plans for today?” Alex asks. “I thought maybe I could take the day off and we could spend some time together.”

 

“Nah, you don’t have to do that.”

 

“Really, I don’t mind.”

 

Kara hands her a stack of plates with which to set the table. And she notices, with a small smile, that no matter how much time they spend apart, there’s still a certain tandem to their movements. It’s impossible to deny, despite the fact she’s literally from another planet, in a lot of ways Kara is a Danvers through and through. They set the table together, and Kara puts the scrambled eggs in the middle. Maggie excuses herself, saying she’s going to go and wake up the boys.

 

“What’s going on with you Kara?” Alex asks. “What’s wrong? You can tell me.”

 

Kara sighs. “We… We had a fight before I left. I didn’t want to come here alone, but apparently work always comes first. I said, uh, some nasty things. And now all my phone calls just keep going to voicemail.”

 

“It’ll be alright, Kara.”

 

“I just… I know you love it here, Alex. But…”

 

“You don’t like it here. You never really have.”

 

“Every time I’m here I feel like I’m fifteen years old and fighting with my best friend or annoying you. Anyway, I got worked up over everything and emotions were running high and now I’m here and I’m miserable and alone.”

 

“Hey,” Alex says, bumping into Kara with her hip. “You’re never alone. You have us.”

 

Kara smiles and hugs her sister. “I know. I always have you.”

 

“So what do you say?” Alex asks as Maggie and the kids barrel into the room. “Just you and me today?”

 

“You should go to work,” Kara says. “I’m just gonna have a quiet day.”

 

“Will you pick us up from school, Aunty Kara?” Remi asks.

 

“Yeah, Aunty Kara,” Milo echoes. “Will you pick us up from school.”

 

“Well of course I am!” Kara says, her entire demeanor changing when she talks to her nephews. “And we’re gonna go get our special After School With Aunty Kara Ice Cream!”

 

The boys cheer and Maggie says something about ‘too much sugar’ and Alex catches Kara’s eye and smiles. For a moment, Kara tries to let the boys’ youthful happiness mask the ache in her chest. She tries to let the sound of her niece’s giggles remind her that everything will be okay, eventually. And for a moment, it almost works.

 

///

 

**Sept. 2003**

 

The summer before high school had been hard on Lena and Kara. Lionel died and Lillian tried to move Lena to Metropolis so they could be closer to Lex. But Lena refused because there was only one person in the world who truly cared for her and she was in Midvale. And there was no way Lena was going to leave Kara behind.

 

Only, Kara had started to change over the summer. It had been slow at first, small signals of a restlessness that Lena couldn’t quite place. Sometimes when they met up Kara looked windswept and breathless, almost like she had sprinted from home all the way to the mall.

 

“What’s going on with you?” Lena asks her. They sit beside the pool at the Luthor Midvale Mansion. Kara wears a bikini and Lena tries as hard as she can to not stare at her best friend’s body. 

 

“What do you mean?” Kara replies, not looking up from her magazine.

 

“You seem… You seem different.”

 

Kara shrugs. “I spoke to Clark the other week. He’s not sure when he’s coming, anymore.” Lena’s heart sinks at mention of Clark, Kara’s ever-elusive cousin. For years they spoke about Clark coming and whisking them both away. It had been a fantasy for Lena, but for Kara it had been a hope she held onto tightly, something she dreamed for night after night.

 

“I don’t think he’s ever gonna come,” Kara admits, more to herself than to Lena. Lena desperately wants to reach out and comfort her, to hug Kara and let her know that everything will be fine and that she’ll always have Lena. But the thought of touching Kara’s bare skin makes Lena feel ashamed, the thought of that sort of intimacy makes her feel uncomfortable. She doesn’t know what these feelings are, and she’s more than confused. She’s annoyed and frustrated and  _ scared _ . Because Kara doesn’t seem to have any trouble hugging Lena, and everybody else acts like it’s a normal thing, but the thought of hugging Kara makes Lena’s brain short circuit and her heart beat just a little faster. She thinks something might be wrong with her, maybe she’s wired incorrectly or something and maybe there’s a way to fix it. But for now Lena’s stuck not knowing how to comfort her best friend and it’s tearing her apart.

 

“You’ll… you have other people, Kara,” Lena tries to remind her. But Kara shuts her magazine forcefully.

 

“It’s not the same!” she almost yells. “Clark… He’s my actual family. He knows me and he knew what K- what Bosnia was like, even if he left when he was really young. It’s not fair that I’m stuck here while he’s off in Metropolis without me.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Lena says, but really she wants to ask Kara why she isn’t enough. She’s trying, so very hard, to ignore the feelings that bubble up in her chest and to be the best friend she can possibly be. But clearly it’s not enough. So she’ll just have to try harder.

 

But it’s clear, when Alex picks Lena up on the first day of school, that she was never going to be enough. 

 

Lena gets in the car, and Kara mutters hello. Alex is more talkative, which makes it feel as though she’s stuck in the twilight zone or something. Alex asks how her summer was and if she’s excited to start high school and Lena answers her politely, grateful that she doesn’t have to sit in awkward silence.

 

And then, when they pull up to the school, Lena watches as Kara gets out. She’s dressed differently, Lena can tell straight away. Her clothes are just the smallest bit more revealing, and not as eclectic as Kara’s outfits usually are. She’s got a light layer of makeup on and she’s clearly used a flat iron to style her hair differently. But the thing that’s the most different is the way she looks past Lena, and walks into school with a group of freshman girls. Girls they had always made fun of privately, girls who had never bothered to include them before, girls who made their lives miserable. It hadn’t been too bad when she faced their taunting with Kara by her side. But now, as she watched Kara compliment Cassie Maynard’s hoop earrings and laugh at Devin Jones’ joke, Lena has never felt more alone.

 

Alex puts a sympathetic arm on her shoulder. 

 

“Another kid claimed by the system,” Alex says, shaking her head, before walking into school herself. Lena takes a deep breath to steady herself, and then she follows Alex.

 

As luck would have it, her locker is right next to Kara’s. She glances quickly at the locker. Last year, Kara’s locker had been plastered with photos of the two of them together. This year, there’s nothing stuck up other than a black and white sign that says ‘BE MORE HUMAN’ in big block letters.

 

But that makes no sense to Lena, because Kara has always been of another world, as long as she’s known her. Her head is always amongst the stars and her eyes shine with entire universes that Lena could spend an infinity exploring. Kara is beyond this world and deserves more than it has to offer; why would she ever settle for being human?

 

“So will I see you at lunch?” Lena asks, though she already knows the answer.

 

“I don’t know,” Kara answers. “Cassie asked me to sit with them and it was sort of an invitation-only thing. But maybe we can hang out after school?”

 

“Yeah,” Lena says, smiling sadly. “Maybe.”

 

Kara rests her hand on Lena’s arm and Lena feels a jolt of electricity at the touch. 

 

“You’re still my best friend, Lena,” Kara tells her, before closing her locker and going to class.

 

“I know,” Lena says to herself. She watches Kara rejoin Cassie at the end of the hallway and she can still feel where Kara had touched her arm and she’s overcome with sadness at the thought of losing the one person who really knew her.

 

///

 

**2027**

Midvale Diner, like most other things in the area, is exactly the fucking same as it’s always been. The counter’s still got the horrible red polish that made Kara’s head hurt, and the booths still need to be reupholstered, and even the menu hasn’t undergone any changes since she was in high school. The small bell rings as Kara enters, and she spots Emmaline behind the counter, her hair whiter than snow.

 

“Well if it isn’t my favourite customer,” Emmaline says as Kara walks up to the counter. “Nobody ever bought as much as you did when you came in.”

 

Kara grins sheepishly. “I was a growing girl, I needed energy.”

 

“Look, I’m not complaining,” Emmaline says, throwing her wrinkled hands into the air. “Go take a seat at your old table, I’ll whip you up a milkshake how you like it.”

 

“You’re the best, Em,” Kara tells her sincerely, but Emmaline brushes her off. Kara sits down at a small booth by the back window. A lifetime ago, this was her regular seat, where she’d come with Lena and they’d talk about absolutely everything. This was where they laughed and learned new things about each other and where their friendship grew. 

 

Looking back, this is also one of the places it began to change between the two of them, too.

 

If she had her time over, Kara would do high school a lot differently. Firstly, she’d never befriend the group of girls in her grade that thought they were better than everyone else. Secondly, she’d make sure to bond with Alex sooner. And lastly, she’d do everything she could to stop her friendship with Lena from falling apart. 

 

But it’s to see the error of one’s ways with hindsight, Kara thinks. It’s hard when you’re in the moment to think about how your life will be affected by all these small things. And when she  _ was  _ in high school, fitting in became her number one priority. If she was going to be stuck in Midvale, if Clark was going to abandon her, then Kara was going to be a regular kid. She decided she’d dress like the popular girls, she’d make more friends and have a proper high school experience. She was going to stop using her powers and she was going to date a boy and just be a teenager, for god’s sake.

 

Emmaline sets the milkshake down in front of her, and Kara says thank you. But she doesn’t drink it. Instead, she looks at the seat across from her, and she lets her high school regrets engulf her once more.

  
  


///

 

**2005**

 

“What did you say?” Kara asks, looking up from her phone and to a frowning Lena. 

 

“Nothing, just that my mom wants me to go to homecoming but I don’t have anyone to go with.” Lena tells her. 

 

They sit in the diner, a part of the after school rush that inundates it daily. Kara usually wouldn’t be seen with Lena by this many people, after all, she has a reputation to maintain - one that had taken her two years to truly solidify. Sure, she and Lena are still friends, but they were more… hang out on a Friday night if there isn’t a party on type of friends.

 

Kara wishes Lena could just suck it up and be friends with her crowd. It’s not like she isn’t pretty, she’s gorgeous. Her bright green eyes and dark hair? There’s a beauty in Lena that Kara could see that seldom other people have. All she needed to do was stop dressing like a widow and maybe put on a little makeup. Then maybe Kara won’t feel so awkward having to set aside time just for Lena. 

 

“Speaking of homecoming...” Kara says. She’s nervous. Lena’s eyebrows shoot up and she waits for Kara to continue. “I think Josh is going to ask me.”

 

“Oh,” Lena says, almost like she’s disappointed.

 

“I wasn’t sure if I should tell you or not, because I don’t want things to be weird.” 

 

“Why would it be weird?”

 

Kara frowns. “Because you like Josh. I always catch you staring at him when he and I partner up in science.” She notices a slight blush rise in Lena’s cheeks. 

 

“I don’t… I don’t like him.”

 

“I just assumed-”

 

“Josh isn’t who I like,” Lena blurts out. This time, Kara raises an eyebrow.

 

“So there is someone you like. Why don’t you ask them to homecoming?”

 

“I think they already have a date,” Lena says with a sad smile.

 

Kara groans sympathetically. “That’s a shame. But tell me! Who is it?” This sort of chatter was easy with Lena. Sure, Kara liked talking science and philosophy with her, but part of trying to figure out how to be more human was realising she had to be less smart. So she stuck mostly to chit chat, and chit chatting with Lena was easier than it was with anybody else.

 

Lena’s about to answer her when Kara’s phone rings. 

 

“It’s Josh,” she says. “I should take it.”

 

“Go ahead,” Lena tells her, and Kara doesn’t catch the disappointment in her eyes. “I’ll tell you another time.”

  
  


///

 

**2027**

 

The waves at Midvale Beach crash against the shore in a strange, uneven rhythm. Kara sits on the dry sand, digging her toes in as deep as she can. She’s always found peace at the beach, and she wishes she could find some of it right now. The water is restless and she feels the same way, wild and scary and unpredictable.

 

She tries to call her home phone, but is met with her own voice telling her to leave a message.

 

_ If something’s wrong I’ll get a call _ , she tells herself.  _ Everything is fine. _

 

But the waves get wilder and the hurricane that churns in her stomach grows more wild, too. She stares out over the water and she imagines it washing away every part of who she used to be. She closes her eyes and breathes deeply.

 

And when she opens them again, she is still the Kara Danvers she’s always been.

  
  


///

 

**2005**

Kara watches as Cassie slow dances dances with Josh.

 

She stands by the punch bowl and she watches as her homecoming date dances with one of her closest friends. It shouldn’t matter, but it does. Because this is high school and the petty crap all matters, Kara found out long ago. She finishes her drink and she walks back into the dancefloor. She taps Cassie on the shoulder and interrupts them. 

 

“Do you mind if I cut in?” she asks, knowing perfectly well that Cassie minds and that she’s going to bitch to Devin about it later. Cassie shakes her head and Kara steps in front of her, winding her hands behind Josh’s neck as his own settle low on her waist. They step from side to side in a pale imitation of a dance. Kara can feel his breath and she feels like she’s a lot closer to him than she wants to be. 

 

But this is what high school girls are supposed to want, right? They’re supposed to want to go to dances with conventionally cute, popular boys who treat them almost well. They’re supposed to be excited over the prospect of their first kiss or visiting a couple of bases. This is what being a teenager was about. But the thought of having any of that with Josh just makes Kara feel panicked. 

 

She spots Lena on the other end of the gym and watches her for a moment. Kara can tell she doesn’t want to be there. Which begs the question: why did she come? Kara appreciates the dress she’s wearing, black and fitting, showing off all of her best assets. 

 

And then the craziest thought crosses Kara’s mind. 

 

For a moment, a single, terrifying moment, Kara thinks that maybe Lena is the one she wants to be dancing with. The thought overwhelms her, and she can feel her heart rate skyrocket. 

 

“Excuse me,” she says to Josh, pushing him away from her and heading to the doors. She leaves as fast as she can without raising alarm, and makes her way to the bathroom.

 

She stands at the sink and tries to take a deep breath. She splashes a bit of water onto a paper towel and dabs at her face. 

 

“Are you okay?” comes a voice from the doorway, and in the mirror’s reflection Kara can see Lena. Concern is written all over her face, and Kara can tell she’s holding back from hugging her or showing too much concern.

 

“I’m fine,” Kara says, though it sounds like a lie. She deflects. “You look lovely tonight.”

 

“Thank you,” Lena replies. She takes a step towards Kara. “Kara?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Do you remember when you asked who I liked?”

 

“Yeah.” Time begins to slow and dread builds in Kara’s being. It’s as though she knows what’s about to happen before it’s even happened.

 

“Well. They’re here tonight,” Lena continues.

 

“Oh?”

 

Lena nods, and steps forward again.

 

Time comes to an abrupt halt.

 

Kara’s heart stops.

 

Lena leans forward and touches her lips to Kara’s, the gentle ghost of a kiss. Kara remains frozen to the spot, unable to move. Lena stares at her for a few moments, and Kara’s unable to look away from the bright green magic of her eyes.

 

Lena turns around and leaves.

 

Time resumes, and it’s as though nothing had even happened.

 

But it  _ did  _ happen and Kara knows it did as she puts her fingers to her lips, tracing where Lena’s just were. Lena kissed her. And something inside Kara shifts, as though she knows she’s never going to be the same after this.

 

One of the bathroom stalls crashes open, and Devin pours out of it. 

 

“What. The fuck.” She exclaims loudly. “Did that dyke just kiss you??”

 

Kara nods, stuck somewhere between a trance and the full blown panic that she and Lena had had a witness to their kiss.

 

“What a fucking freak,” Devin says. “I always knew she was a predator lesbian.”

 

“Yeah,” Kara replies, forcing a laugh. “What a pathetic dyke.”

 

“C’mon,” Devin says, “we have to tell Cassie and Josh what happened.”

 

“No!” Kara says a little too quickly. “No. Let’s, uh, let’s just enjoy the dance. We can tell them later.”

 

Devin agrees and offers her hand out to Kara.

 

Kara hesitates for a moment. Guilt washes over her for what she’s said about Lena, but she feels her self-preservation instinct kick in. Survive high school. Be normal. Kissing Lena isn’t a part of that equation.

 

Kara takes Devin’s hand.

  
  


///

 

**2027**

 

“Aunty Kara!” Milo yells, slamming into her legs with a hug. Remi follows close behind.

 

“Hi, my best boys!” She says. “How was school?”

 

They shrug at the same time.

 

“We did math, that’s my favorite,” Remi says.

 

“And also mine,” Milo adds.

 

“You know, that was my favorite in school as well?” They boys gasp at this newfound knowledge and Kara laughs.

 

“Can we go get ice cream now, please?”

 

“Well because you asked so nicely, of course we can!”

 

She takes them back to the diner, where Emmaline is more than happy to see them all. And then, when they’re equipped with two scoops each, they walk back down to the beach. The sun feels a little brighter than it had earlier, and the water isn’t as choppy. Kara resumes her position on the sand and the boys sit either side of her, telling her about school and their friends and teachers.

 

“Our teacher Miss Jones said she used to be friends with you,” Milo says.

 

“Yeah that you guys used to be friends in high school but that was twenty years ago.”

 

“You mean Devin Jones?” Kara asks and they nod.

 

“Are you guys still friends?”

 

Kara shakes her head. “I haven’t seen her in a long time. But she’ll be at the reunion tonight.”

 

“And you’ll see her then?”

 

“Yessir.”

 

“Will you see all of your other old friends as well?”

 

“Well,” she says thoughtfully, “I hope to see some of them.” The truth is, Kara couldn’t care less about most of her high school friends. The only person she wanted to see was Lena, but there was no way that would happen.

 

Kara and her nephews finish their ice cream. She helps them take off their clothes and watches with a smile as they run to the water in nothing but their underwear.

 

“Stay close!” she calls out, though she knows that if anything goes wrong she can be there in an instant.

 

She watches the boys as they play, splashing water at each other and laughing together. The dull ache that seems to have taken up residency in her chest throbs momentarily. She looks out over the blue sky and the calm waters and she watches as her nephews begin building their own lifetime of memories in Midvale. And she thinks for a moment, that maybe Midvale isn’t bad for everybody. Maybe some people can live here and think of it and not feel so inexplicably sad. Maybe they can think of the good times instead of all the bad things that happened here, instead of the people they used to be.

 

She digs her feet further into the sand, and she prays to a god she’s not sure exists that her nephews have nothing but good things to remember.

 

///

 

**2005**

 

The moon hangs high above her, a dull shine bouncing off the water. Kara stands at the water’s edge, letting the water lap up and over her feet. She hasn’t seen Lena in a few days, and she’s starting to worry. News of their kiss had spread around school quickly thanks to Devin and Cassie, and whispers followed her down the hall no matter where she went; she can’t imagine how much worse it must have been for Lena.

 

She doesn’t hear Lena approach from behind, but then suddenly she’s standing right beside her. She refuses to look at Kara, and Kara doesn’t blame her. They both stare out at the water, they both listen to the waves crashing in the dark.

 

“Lena-”

 

“No,” she says. “You don’t get to talk.”

 

“But I’m sorry.”

 

“You told the whole school about our kiss.”

 

“It wasn’t me, I swear. Devin was in one of the stalls she saw us.”

 

“Yeah, right,” Lena scoffs. “Look, I didn’t come here to be lied to--”

 

“I’m not lying. Lena, you have to trust me.”

 

“Do I? You might not have told the whole school, but you’re the one who said…” she stops. She can’t get the words out.

 

“I’m the one who said what?”

 

Lena turns to Kara. Tears fall from her eyes and Kara wants nothing more than to reach out and wipe them away. 

 

“Everyone knows you’re the one who called me a pathetic dyke. That was you. Not Devin, not Cassie. You.”

 

“I. I was blindsided. Devin was there and I was scared and you had just  _ kissed me. _ ”

 

“Were you blindsided though? I see the way you look at me, Kara.”

 

Kara frowns. “What way?”

 

“The way you’re looking at me now,” Lena says. “The soft way. You look at me one way and then you go and pretend to be this person I know that you’re not. You act like a fake person around everyone at school because you’re so afraid of who you really are.”

 

“Oh, screw you, Lena and stop projecting. You’re the one who kissed their best friend.”

 

Lena laughs humorlessly. “Oh so now we’re best friends.”

 

“We were alw--”

 

“No don’t you dare, Kara Danvers,” Lena says, cutting her off. “You left me the soonest chance you got. You ignored me. You moved on. You only hung out with me if you had no better offer.”

 

“I…” Kara trails off. She can’t defend her because she knows it’s true. “I didn’t mean to.”

 

“You were just… to busy trying to be the perfect human.”

 

An anger erupts in Kara. Lena didn’t even know Kara was Kryptonian, but she still knew the perfect buttons to push. Kara sees red. She says whatever she needs to say to inflict pain on her friend.

 

“Yeah,” Kara says, “well you were just too busy feeling sorry for yourself. I was your friend out of pity for most of the time.”

 

“Yeah, well you won’t have to be friends with the pathetic dyke anymore, don’t worry. I’m out of here.”

 

Kara pauses. “What do you mean?”

 

“I mean, I’m getting out of this fucking town. I’m not waiting around Midvale anymore, not waiting for you to pull your head out of your ass and be a proper person again. I’m done. I’ve been doing college classes online and I’ll go to Metropolis and live with Lex.”

 

“You don’t--”  _ You don’t get to be the one who leaves.  _ “You can’t leave.” Tears come hot and fast and Kara can’t stop them. Suddenly the prospect of being here without Alex or Lena seems like the worst thing in the world.

 

“I leave in the morning.”

 

“I don’t want you to go,” Kara says, though she knows she sounds pathetic. Though she knows she sounds like a crazy person. “You can’t leave. You’re my friend, Lena. You can’t go.”

 

Lena turns back and faces the water.

 

“Goodbye, Kara,” she says softly. “Maybe one day you’ll stop being a selfish bitch.”

 

She turns on her heels and walks away.

 

The water washes over her feet.

 

The waves break over the sand.

 

Her heart breaks over Lena.

 

///

 

**2027**

 

Alex makes them hose down outside the house.

  
To be fair, she has a point; they’re all covered in sand and there’s no way it’s going to end well. So they stand in a line, spread-eagled, and squeal with delight as Alex douses them with cold water.

 

“Upstairs for a bath now,” Maggie says when they enter, and the three of them trudge upstairs.

 

Kara lets the water run over her, cleansing her of the beach and of her day. And when she emerges, fresh and as ready as she’ll be for the reunion, she heads back downstairs.

 

Maggie sits at the dining room table, none of the kids in sight. 

 

“They’re still upstairs showering,” Maggie says, reading Kara’s mind. “Come sit down.

 

Kara sits across from her, and Maggie pours her a generous glass of scotch. She slides it across the table.

 

“What’s this for?” Kara asks, taking a sip.

 

“This is because I know you’re stressed about tonight, and if you’re anything like your sister, this will take the edge off.” Maggie takes a sip of her own drink.

 

“You’re a gem.”

 

They sit in a comfortable silence. Back when Alex had first introduced them, they didn’t understand each other, and whenever they were in the same state, they’d butt heads a lot. But over the years, Maggie and Kara had settled into a comfortable relationship. Gone was the awkwardness and tension. They both know how the other functions and they both know how much the other loves Alex, and that’s all that matters.

 

“I don’t understand why you care about what any of these people think of you,” Maggie says. “You don’t need to be this nervous.”

 

Kara smiles sadly. “I don’t care about any of them, and they’re not why I’m nervous. I’m nervous because I hate who I was around them. I hate being reminded of who I used to be. And… And I’m scared that being around them is gonna, I don’t know, like, change me again or something.”

 

Maggie smiles sympathetically. She cocks her head to one side and for some reason, under her glare, Kara feels like she’s about to burst into tears.

 

“Kara,” Maggie says slowly. “You’re a completely different person now. Even from when I met you until now. You’re not gonna just magically revert back to being a teenager.”

 

“And yet,” Kara sighs, trying to steady her shaky voice. “I come back here, and I feel like im fourteen and so angry all the time and trying to be something I’m not. The things I said, the things I did-” she cuts herself off. She feels a stray tear run down her cheek. 

 

“At some point, you’re gonna have to forgive yourself for those things. Everybody else has. Alex has.”

 

Kara wipes away the few tears from her eyes and looks up at Maggie.

 

“But what if I don’t deserve it?”

 

///

 

**2008**

 

The first year of college almost breaks Kara. 

 

She gets accepted to a lot of schools, but there’s only ever one place she was going to go: Metropolis University. 

 

She signs up for classes and she lets Clark move her furniture into her dorm room and buy her coffee from time to time. 

 

She drinks a lot and it never actually affects her but she pretends it does when boys lead her back to their rooms. 

 

She falls into bed with a lot of different guys.

 

She gets a degree in literature and does a Masters program as well.

 

And then she starts to fall into bed with a lot of girls, too.

 

The guys all vary; she doesn’t really have a type. But the girls are all slightly taller than she is, with dark hair and bright eyes. 

 

She tries to tell herself that the resemblance between these girls and her old friend is just a coincidence. But she knows she’s lying.

 

She seeks repentance for the person she used to be. She worships body after body, trying to find a salvation that no one can give her, looking for a forgiveness that none of them hold. She looks for Lena, but they are all pale imitations. Because nobody can truly remake the work of god.

 

///

 

**2027**

 

Alex offers to drive her to the reunion, and Kara gladly accepts. Alex tells her about work and Kara tells her all the funny things the boys said that afternoon and neither of them really talk about the tension between Kara and the rest of the world.

 

They pull to a stop outside of the high school. Kara can see people start to wander in, but she doesn’t make a move to leave.

 

“You can talk to me, Kara,” Alex says, and Kara almost loses it. She misses her mom and she misses Eliza and Alex is sitting beside her with a gentleness in her voice Kara had almost forgotten exists in the world. “You used to tell me everything.”

 

“It’s just… We got into a fight before I left and I said some really shitty things. And I just. I don’t like who I become in Midvale. I don’t like who I am when I’m here. I didn’t want to come alone because I thought that maybe that would help but… I don’t think anything will ever help.”

 

“Kara, I’m going to say this once. You. Are. A good. Person. You need to stop punishing yourself for trivial high school bullshit.”

 

“Do you know why I never used my powers like Clark?”

 

Alex shakes her head.

 

“It’s because I already know what I’m like when given power and attention. I turn into an asshole with too much to lose, which is the worst kind of asshole to be. And then what if something went wrong? I’ve seen Clark malfunction, and he’s one of the nicest people in the world. But me? I work to keep anger at bay every single day. I work on being a better person, but it’s all just… there. Under the surface. I could never be, what, Superwoman or Supergirl or whatever. I’d never unleash that onto the world.”

 

Alex wipes away some tears of her own. She reaches over and awkwardly hugs her sister over the centre console.

 

“I forgave you so long ago, Kara, and you forgave me, remember? You’ve gotten all of the repentance you’ve ever sought. It’s time to focus on your future. On enjoying your family and enjoying the people you love.”

 

Kara nods.

 

“Let go of the things you can’t change,” Alex continues. “And focus on all the things in your life you’ve already changed for.”

 

///

 

**2016**

 

It’s raining and miserable in Metropolis and Kara’s glasses are getting all fogged up. She’s trying to get out of the rain as fast as she can, to protect her bag of very important papers that she needs to grade.

 

She rounds the corner of a building and finds herself tumbling to the ground, right on top of another person.

 

“Oh my god I’m so fucking sorry,” she says, standing up. She offers the person a hand, and pulls them to their feet. The person - it’s a woman - wears a form fitting dress that looks like it costs more than everything Kara owns. Her hair’s pulled back into a sleek bun, and despite the fact she’d just been pushed to the ground, she looks flawless.

 

Kara on the other hand, looks practically homeless in her crumpled button-up and coffee stained pants. She wears Birkenstocks and mismatching socks. She hasn’t washed her hair since god knows when.

 

“Kara?”

 

She’d know that voice anywhere. The low tone, the soft, mangled accent. And those eyes - god, those eyes staring back at her - Kara could never forget.

 

“Lena, oh my god!”

 

“What’re you doing here?” Lena asks.

 

“I work at MU, teaching a few classes. I’m in the middle of finishing my PhD.”

 

“Oh, that’s amazing. Well done.”

 

“What about you? What number degree are you on?” Kara asks, though she knows the answer. Lena is one of the youngest CEOs in the world, a media darling, and one of CNN’s best political pundits. Of course Kara knows everything there is to know about Lena.

 

“I’ve got a few under my belt,” Lena says with a small smirk.

 

“What are the chances, running into you in such a big city?”

 

“I’d say miniscule,” Lena replies. They stand for a moment, regarding each other, unsure of what to say next and unwilling to leave just yet. Like a reminder that they’re standing in the rain, thunder cracks loudly above them.

 

“Well,” Lena says. “It was nice seeing you.” 

 

She turns to walk away.

 

“Wait!” Kara calls out. Lena turns back to her. “Do you, uh. Do you want to maybe grab coffee if you’re not too busy? And catch up?”

 

For a second, Kara doesn’t know if Lena’s going to laugh in her face or scream at her or what. But instead, she smiles. And miraculously, she replies,

 

“I’d love to.”

 

Kara lets her lead the way to a small cafe a block or so away. It’s almost completely empty, save for them and the staff. Kara feels proud as she watches the barista recognise Lena and get excited. 

 

(Kara still remembers Lena’s coffee order, not that she’ll tell her that.)

 

They sit at a table at the back of the cafe, and Lena tells Kara about her life. She tells her about what it’s like running L-Corp and dealing with the media and trying to use her fame and resources to do good things and make the world a better place.

 

Kara tells her how she’s writing her PhD on the evolution of science fiction literature and how she wants to compare it to some of Krypton’s surviving literary works. She tells her how she teaches a few classes and how she’s fallen in love with the pursuit of knowledge, and teaching a new generation.

 

She doesn’t tell Lena about how she feels more lost now than she ever has before. How she dreams of Lena and how those dreams are better than reality. She doesn’t tell her a lot of things. She holds onto those things, hoping that she’ll get another chance to tell her, hoping that maybe their friendship could be saved even after all these years.

 

“Lena,” Kara says. “I… I just want to apologise to you.”

 

Lena looks surprised. “You do?”

 

“I was… I was going through a lot in high school. But that’s no excuse for the way I treated you. I was a terrible friend, horrible. And… and i feel still sick whenever I think about homecoming. You didn’t deserve any of that. You deserved so much better and I am so so sorry for everything I did back then.”

 

Lena smiles and leans across the table. She rests her hand on Kara’s wrist.

 

“Kara, that was a lifetime ago. It’s ancient history, consider it forgotten.”

 

Kara smiles back. But she doesn’t believe her.

  
  


///

 

**2027**

 

Walking into the gym is liking walking into a time capsule. Almost immediately, she wants to leave. But instead she plasters on a smile and waves at a few people she recognises. She talks to a few old teachers who hang out around the punch bowl as she pours herself a drink. They all seem intrigued - and definitely surprised - that she ended up an academic, but she gets it. She never thought she’d end up with a doctorate from one of the country’s best schools. She never thought she’d be teaching literature of all things, that she’d be the laid back professor she always loved to have. 

 

They, of course, ask about marriage and if there are any kids in the picture and Kara just smiles politely and answers vaguely, hoping for one night she can forget about the everything back home.

 

She hears Josh’s laughter before she sees the group of them. They stand - quite obnoxiously - in the middle of the room. There’s about eight of them, each at various stages of aging. Kara, on the other hand, looks like she’s barely aged a day.

 

“Kara!” Devin calls, spotting her. The rest of the group echoes her name, holding their glasses up in celebration. 

 

She takes a deep breath and decides it’s time.

 

“Oh, hey guys!”

 

///

 

**2017**

 

“Holy shit,” Kara says, panting. She’s covered in a sheen of sweat and her heart still beats rapidly in her chest. “That was amazing.”

 

“That was the last,” Lena says. She’s already standing up and getting dressed. 

 

“You’ve been saying that for months already.” Kara watches Lena as she gathers her clothes from the floor. “Have you seen my pan-”

 

Kara holds up Lena’s underwear. “They’re right here.” 

 

She smirks as Lena takes them from her. She watches her dress, only slightly disappointed that she has to watch her leave yet again.

 

“You know, you can stay the night. It won’t kill you.”

 

Lena rolls her eyes. “But it’ll kill the whole ‘friends with benefits’, don’t you think?”

 

“I don’t know. Friends have sleepovers all the time.”

 

“Not when they have CNN appearances in the morning, they don’t.”

 

Kara tries to pull her back into the bed. “Actually that’s exactly when they do it. It relaxes them, gets them ready.”

 

“Kara, stop and help me zip up my dress,” Lena says. Kara huffs and does what she’s told, letting her hand graze against the delicate skin of Lena’s back.

 

“You know, redressing you sort of goes against my entire ethos.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“No, I’m serious,” Kara insists. “I like seeing you as much as I can, even more so naked.”

 

“Kara,” Lena warns.

 

“What?”

 

“You’re doing it again.”

 

“What?”

 

“Being a bit too romantic? This is  _ friends _ with benefits, not just the benefits part.”

 

Kara holds up her hands, admitting defeat. “Fine, fine, you’re right.”

 

Lena pulls on her shoes and fixes her earrings. She leans down and kisses Kara swiftly and yet very un-friend like.

 

“I’ll see you later.”

 

“Good luck with Anderson Cooper.”

 

She watches Lena leave the bedroom, and then a few moments later she hears her front door slam. Kara sighs as she snuggles down into bed. She’d be lying if she said the thing between her and Lena was strictly sex only. That’s what it had started as, not long after they first reunited. It was convenient and it was  _ hot  _ but mainly it was just sex and nothing else. No romantic involvement, nothing. Just two recently reunited friends with a complex history having sex. Lena even drew up a contract outlining what was and wasn’t appropriate conduct.

 

Except Kara broke the very first rule soon after they both signed it.

 

She started falling for Lena. 

 

It’s not like it was hard. No, if anything, it was the most natural thing in the world. They lay in bed together one night and Kara told her that she was Kryptonian and Lena said she always knew Kara was otherworldly. And then Lena made her cum so hard, Kara honest to god blacked out for a solid few seconds.

 

And the longer it went on, the harder Kara fell.

 

Until now, where she had stopped falling. She was unequivocally in love with Lena Luthor, there was no denying it.

 

But there’s no way anything could ever happen between them, not with their history. It was too messy and complicated, and Kara knew Lena wouldn’t do anything that could jeopardize her or her company’s public image.

 

So Kara lets Lena fuck her and she pretends she’s not in love and she thinks that maybe it’s time to look for someone who might actually decide to love her back.

 

She heads into her office early the next morning, keen to catch up on some of the work she didn’t have time to finish last night. She’s sitting at her desk, wondering if there’s some way to hook up coffee directly to her veins, when there’s a knock at the door.

 

“Is this Dr. Danvers’ room?” comes a low, smooth voice. James Olsen stands in the doorway, looking better than ever. Kara stands up and hugs him, feeling immediately at home in his warm, strong embrace.

 

“James Olsen, wow. It’s been forever.”

 

He nods in agreement. “The last time I saw you, you were finishing up your Masters.”

 

“And you were about to head to Mexico on some photography trip.”

 

“I’ve just moved back, actually. I’ve taken a teaching position in the arts department.”

 

“That’s amazing!” Kara says. “We’ll have to go for drinks to celebrate. Did you know Clark was trying to set us up the last time we went out? Because I did not.”

 

James laughed. “I did. I asked him to do it, actually. We had met at his and Lois’ Christmas party and I remember thinking you were the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.”

 

Kara smiles, feeling the blush rise in her cheeks.

 

“Would you want to grab a drink some time?” he asks her, and she takes a second to decide.

 

James is handsome and witty and - most importantly -  _ interested in her _ . She thinks of Lena, Lena who seems to want nothing but her body. Lena who Kara’s not sure even forgives her for all their past shit. She decides that Lena is just going to have to understand. She’s not going to care anyway.

 

“I’d love to,” she smiles.

 

///

 

She texts Lena later on and tells her about James.

 

Lena replies almost instantaneously, saying maybe it’s time they call off their arrangement.

 

And somewhere in the back of her mind, Kara wonders if maybe Lena has cared for her this entire time.

 

///

 

**2027**

 

More and more people pour into the school auditorium. Old teachers and students and people Kara really can’t be bothered trying to reconnect with. She stands with her high school friends, in their balding and aging glory. She was the only one out of their entire friend group who no longer lived in Midvale. 

 

To her utter non-surprise, Cassie and Josh were married with kids. Cassie shows them all photos of five chubby kids, each a perfect mixture of them both. Devin’s married to one of Maggie’s officers who graduated a few years behind them and had very kindly offered to stay home and babysit his own kids. Kara misses what the others all say about their spouses; she’s too busy focused on the homesickness she feels with all this family talk. She thinks of the sonogram picture saved to her phone and out of habit, she fiddles with the ring that sits on her finger.

 

“And what about you?” Josh asks. “I see that ring on your finger. Who was the lucky guy who managed to finally bed the elusive Danvers? I mean, we all tried. You wouldn't look at anybody in this school twice.”

 

“Yeah,” Cassie agrees with an air of judgement that Kara puts down to jealousy over her lack of aging. “Nobody was ever really good enough for you here, were they?”

 

And then the gym doors open once more and Kara no longer cares about anything anybody is saying. In the recesses of her mind, she processes that they continue badgering her about her husband, but Kara only has eyes for the person who currently scans the room, trying to look for somebody. Kara only has eyes for the person making everybody else’s heads turn as they watch her walk in her sylvette dress and sensible heels, her hair pulled back into a signature bun. The person with pale skin and almost black hair, with the smallest hint of a baby bump that makes Kara’s being glow with joy and happiness.

 

Finally, Lena Luthor spots Kara, and her face cracks into a wide smile, one that Kara is sure she’s reciprocating.

 

“If you’ll excuse me,” Kara tells her old friends, pointing over at Lena, “my wife just walked in, and I should go say hello.”

 

///

 

**2018**

 

The rain is torrential and Lena takes a moment out of her busy work day to watch it fall on her balcony. It hits against her window and she thinks of the day in the rain when Kara had run into her. She remembers how bright her blue eyes were against the greyness of the day.

 

And she thinks of Kara in the arms of that photographer and she gets inexplicably angry.

 

A ruckus outside her door disturbs her thoughts, and she turns around.

 

The door pushes open, and Kara almost topples into the room, soaking wet. A disgruntled Jess follows her.

 

“I’m so sorry Miss Luthor, but she just barged in.”

 

“It’s okay, Jess. Please hold my calls whilst Ms. Danvers is here.”

 

“And your meeting with Barack?”

 

Lena doesn’t take her eyes off Kara. “Push it back til three.”

 

Jess shuts the door behind her.

 

They stand in silence, nothing but the sound of the rain against the glass panes and the slight panting of Kara’s breathing.

 

“You can’t just show up here,” Lena finally says. “This is my place of work. What the hell is wrong with you?”

 

“I have two things to say to you.”

 

“And this couldn’t wait?”

 

She shakes her head. “No. It couldn’t. Because I need to know that you forgive me for everything I did to you, for everything I used to be.”

 

“Kara, I told you ages ago that it’s--”

 

“You told me it was ancient history. But you never said you forgave me. And I need you to forgive me. Please. I will get down on my knees and beg if you want me to. But I just need to hear you say it.”

 

“Kara I forgive you, I promise. But why is that so important?”

 

“Because,” Kara says, “the second thing I have to tell you is that I’m in love with you. I’m in love with you, Lena. And if I’m being honest, I’ve loved you for a really long fucking time. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

 

“Kara…”

 

“I know it’s a lot to ask, for you to love me back. Because I know I don’t deserve the love you have to offer me. But if you give me the chance, I’ll spend the rest of my life showing you how much you mean to me. I’ll spend a goddamn eternity becoming the exact person you need me to be. I swear, Lena, I will love you for as long as you let me.”

 

Lena walks forward, closing the space between them. She takes Kara’s face in her hands, pressing her palms to her cheeks. And slowly, she kisses her, as softly as she did all those years ago. But this time, Kara kisses her back. She kisses her with ferocity and passion and pure, energetic love.

 

And finally, when they pull apart, cheeks flushed and hearts full, Lena smiles and she looks into Kara’s eyes and she tells her the words she’s been holding onto for forever.

 

“I love you, too, Kara.”

 

///

 

**2027**

 

Kara kisses her wife as she reaches her, before hugging her tightly.

 

“What’re you doing here? Are you okay? The baby--”

 

“Everything’s fine,” Lena assures her. “But you were right. I should’ve come back home with you. I’m sorry for the way we left things.”

 

“Me, too. God, I’m so sorry for the things I said. You don’t put work above me. I know you love me and I know you love our little guy or gal more than anything.”

 

Lena kisses her, and Kara rests a hand on her stomach.

 

“How’re you feeling?”

 

“Morning sickness seemed to finally stop this morning.”

 

“That’s good.”

 

“The bad news, however, is that I seem to be showing even sooner than last time. People may have started to figure it out.”

 

“And by people you mean…”

 

“Maggie picked me up from the airport and knew straight away. Said she had her suspicions because you’ve been so on edge.”

 

Kara rolls her eyes. “Alex is going to be so pissed that I didn’t tell her.”

 

Lena laughs. “She’s just going to be happy that she’ll be an aunt.”

 

Kara’s not surprised how she feels immediately better now that Lena’s by her side. She looks back over at her old friend group, who all stare at her in shock. They had managed to keep their relationship out of the press for all these years - Lena deciding to give up her CNN gig and give more responsibilities to others - opting for privacy and peace and quiet. And it looks like it’s worked, seeing as none of their old classmates had any idea they were married.

 

“God, those people are the worst,” Kara says, staring at her friends.

 

“You used to be one of them,” Lena reminds her, and Kara grimaces.

 

“Yeah. But I grew up. I found you.” She leans down and kisses Lena. She can’t get enough. She’s missed her wife so much she can’t stop kissing her.

 

“Should we say hi to people?” Lena asks, leaning into Kara’s side. Kara puts her arm around her shoulder.

 

“Nah,” she says. “Let’s go watch a movie with Maggie and Alex.”

 

Lena hums in relief. “I knew I married you for a reason.”

 

They wave goodbye to Kara’s old friends, and then they leave high school behind them.

 

///

 

**2023**

 

Funnily enough, James is the one who marries them. Eliza, Alex, Maggie and the boys fly over from Midvale and they have a small wedding in Vermont, with just their family a few work colleagues. It’s intimate and it’s perfect and snow starts to fall as they promise to love each other and cherish one another for the rest of their lives.

 

Milo vomits on Kara’s dress.

 

She doesn’t care.

 

Nothing can ruin her wedding day. 

 

///

 

**2027**

 

When Milo and Remi wake up to find that Aunty Lena is  _ also  _ visiting, they riot and demand a day of school. 

 

Their mothers concede.

 

They spend their day at the beach, building sandcastles and taking videos of Hazel as she tries to take a few steps in the uneven sand and holding onto Lena’s fingers. They have fun with their family and they make new, perfect memories together in Midvale.

 

And when it’s time to go home for dinner, Lena and Kara decide they haven’t had a proper vacation in ages and extend their trip for a few more days.

 

They settle into a little bubble of happiness and they never want to leave.

 

///

 

**2025**

 

Eliza dies on a Saturday. 

 

Kara wakes to a phone call from Alex and she feels time turn to sludge as she hears the news.

 

Her mom is dead. 

 

“Baby, I’m so sorry,” Lena says, her own eyes filled with tears. She rests a hand on her stomach, waiting to feel the kicks of their soon to be born child. Kara packs a bag and Lena watches her go.

 

Eliza is buried on a Monday.

 

And on Monday night, she gets the worst call she’s ever received.

 

Lena in tears telling her things she doesn’t want to comprehend. 

 

She flies straight back to Metropolis, using her powers for the first time in years.

 

And as she flies, she thinks that maybe bad things happen to her in Midvale out of karmic retribution. Maybe she is always destined to feel sadness there.

 

They lose their baby - a little girl they were going to name Audrey - and Kara doesn’t know how they’re supposed to ever be happy again.

  
  


///

 

**2027**

  
  


Kara lifts their bags from the trunk of Alex’s car. She opens Lena’s door for her and Lena snaps about treating her like an invalid and Alex laughs at them both. She hugs her sister goodbye and promises to come visit again soon and before she knows it, they’re sitting in first class waiting to fly home. 

 

“We really should come out here more,” Lena says as she looks out the window.

 

“Yeah,” Kara agrees. “Maybe we could get a little summer house or something.”

 

“It’ll be nice to be close to family.”

 

Kara takes Lena’s hand in her own. “You’re my family,” she says. Lena smiles and leans over to kiss her. 

 

The flight attendants prepare for take off and Lena doesn’t let go of Kara’s hand and Kara feels significantly less worried about flying now that Lena is with her. 

 

They look out the window and watch Midvale disappear beneath the clouds.

 

Kara thinks of her past, and the history that lies between them, and she thinks about how it all led her back to Lena in the end, and that’s what really matters. Lena and their growing family and the love that they work on and grow each day.

 

And Kara knows everything is going to be okay. 

**Author's Note:**

> as always you can find me on tumblr at murdershegoat


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